I am a Texan Now!

Happy Sunday everyone! It is a beautiful day on the Island. Every day seems to be. Every day is different and beautiful. I am loving every moment of it. Sometimes I just feel like someone should pinch me.

I did it. I became a Texan a couple weeks ago. It was not a hard decision to make. I made the decision a week after arriving on this sand bar. Of course, making it legal was a different story. They really make you jump through some hoops, especially if you don’t have all the right documentation. But that is done, I am here. Y’all are stuck with me now!

I feel like I have found a place where I belong. I love riding my bike places. I love walking the beach every day. Still not sure about this thing they call morning, but then, I get out and see the sunrise and I stop questioning it.

I have a place to live. It is going to be both an office space for my company and living quarters for me. I will have my privacy, thank goodness. This place is awesome

All is well down on this Sandbar. Have a fabulous day!

~Melissa

I am here. I am Here!!! I AM HERE!!!!!

I can't tell you how good I feel having been here for 9 days now. My drive down was rather smooth. I had a few moments of tears, but that is to be expected. I have had lots of emotion the last week before I left. I finally had to tell the friends not to say stuff about missing me. Heck yeah, I am going to miss all of you....but not yet.

In the past, when I would come down to see my folks, by the time I have been here a week, I am usually ready to go home, back to my stuff, back to my cat, back to my home. This time, I have not felt that way. My cat is with me, my office is realtively set up to work, and I am loving it. I don't want to go back to MN. I feel like this is my home now.

I think I have seen more sunrises in the last week than I probably have all the 15 trips down to the island before this. I get up each day and walk the beach at sunrise. Every day it is different. Every day is it beautiful. I love it. I feel the peace I have struggled to find these last few months. I feel at one with the world.

This time alone has been interesting. Surprisingly, I am not lonely. I was scared of that. I have met a few people, seen a few acquaintances, but I do know it takes time to become friends. That is fine. In a big city, it is easy to be anonymous, but I reallize here, it is not. I have heard a few people say something about hearing that I was moving to the island....people I have never met before.

I want to be involved in things. This morning, I went to the Surfrider Foundation Beach cleanup down inside the Isla Blanca Park. I never did things like this before. It was a lot of fun and I was doing good for the environment.

The only thing I struggle with down here is food. There are things that I prefer to eat organic and free range. I am having trouble with finding meat and a good selection of produce. I lost 100 pounds three years ago by converting to this healthier lifestyle and I will not go back to that. I just emailed a local farm in Bayview, hoping to be able to get produce from them.

Anyway, I am glad to be here. Glad to be meeting new people. Soon enough, I hope my friends will start to visit me. I can't wait to show off my new life!

Countdown to Moving!

Today is one month from when I leave. I still have a lot of things going through my head and a lot of things to do. Hell, I am moving 1500 miles away from everything I know and love. If there wasn't stuff going through my head, I would be worried. Most of the time I just shrug things off and figure I will deal with it later. There is so much that can't be done until I get there. So many thoughts.

I really am going to miss my family and friends. I think You understand why I have to do this. People are starting to do the "I am going to miss you" thing. Yeah, me too. Y'all are always welcome to come visit any time you want. Just not all at once unless you plan to rent a condo (and BTW, I have condos to rent). I still have my phone and my email. Use them!!

Sigh.

I have to do this. I am ready to do this.I am going to do this.

Some of the things that I am looking forward to include a slower pace of life. Life is not about who gets there the fastest or who has the most toys. I know, I am going to get dinged on this one especially since I am enjoying a new Palm Pre. Yeah, its fun. I highly recommend it. I just don't want the excitement or need it like I once did. I am finding more peace in nature.

I am learnng to stop and smell the roses. I want to slow down and enjoy life a little more, enjoy what the world has to offer. I am tired of the fast paced city life, it doesn't allow as much time to do this. It seems like I am always on the go. Don't get me wrong, I love the city. Who knows, I may find myself back here in a few years. But it is not what I need right now. I really have started embracing all the beauty around me. I carry my camera in my bag (I have for many years, but really actively using it now). I never know when I am going to see something I want to remember. I find myself walking....just walking. I love it. It just brings such clarity to me.

I want to be closer to nature. I want to walk with my feet in the water every day. I want to see how different the beach looks each and every day. The beach has always been magical to me. I can sit and watch the waves roll in for hours and not be bored. I can walk and walk and walk and never be tired.

There is so much this world has to offer. I know I have had a bit of what I call wanderlust for a few years. For me this is the urge to move somewhere else. SPI has been a huge pull for me since my parents started going there. So for me to move here is very natural. The water, the sand the beach. Yep.

It is funny, I am not worried about being bored anymore. The one thought that brings me peace is I know I will always have the water.

Beach life and Civilization

Howdy howdy everyone! I am so excited about my upcoming move. I am so ready to leave the MN winters behind and go live in Tropical Paradise. Isn’t that what we all dream of when we get older? To retire somewhere warm? Why not now? Why not while I am still young enough to appreciate it.

There are some advantages to be a childless adult. I don’t have to grow up. I do have to be responsible, but growing up is optional. I love being the free spirit that I am. Even after 2 months of this excitement of moving, I still feel like a little kid. I still am getting butterflies in my tummy. Love it! The other day I talked with my dad. We moved my moving date up the end of September. Wooohooo! Just thinking about that gives me that cool weird little excitement feeling inside me.

I realize the farther I get away from who I was, I like me more and more. I like this person I am finding. I don’t have to shut up. I want to “shout!” I want to live my dream. I do know Brian sees this and it pisses him off that I am so happy and blooming. He thinks there are other reasons for this.

The one thing that worries me about this move is choosing between beach life VS civilization. My web diva Wendy said this to me in an email yesterday “I think you will enjoy it but, it is hard to choose between the beach life and civilization. I still miss things like bookstores, thai food, recycling and decent grocery stores. But, you cant have everything!” She moved down to SPI a few years ago from San Antonio after growing up an hour outside the Twin Cities.

On a bright note, SPI has a bookstore now, Recycling is there, but a pain in the butt, and Thai food I can’t eat (but yes I do miss this). My two biggest downfalls will be grocery stores and entertainment. I am gluten sensitive and am very careful about what I eat. There is a little store on the island that has a few gluten free items and Port Isabel has a farmers market. It is growing and getting better. I have heard that I might have to go McAllen (90 minutes away) to a coop there for food.

As to my passion for live music, that one is a little tougher. I have seen/heard about others having garden parties and house parties for visiting musicians. I have also heard that musicians can make a lot of money doing these. I have seen at least one person on the island do this….I keep thinking, this might be something I can do to help budding musicians. Heck, Austin isn’t all that far away either!

I might be giving up “civilization” But, I think what I am getting in exchange is a whole heck of a lot better.

It is all about me!

My life right now is in waiting mode. I want to be gone. I am ready to move on. Life here in my house has become HELL! Brian barely grunts at me. He has done less around the house than he ever has. I think he hates it that I am so happy. No, I know he hates it that I am so happy. I think he hates it that I feel like I have a royal flush right now.

Every night I thank the universe, the planets, stars, constellations, gods, goddesses, and anyone or anything else that my life is going so well. All the stars are lined up for me right now so it seems.

I still am trying to figure out things in my life, but so much is going to take time. I hate that, but I have to embrace these feelings. I love chatting with my friends; I love all the interesting things we talk about. I feel like I am learning so much about myself right now. It is confusing at times, a lot of the time. Sometimes it drives me crazy (probably my closest friends too). I still want everything in my mind in these neat little organized boxes. It is not going to happen. I don’t know or understand all this stuff going on in my head. I don’t know or understand these feelings inside me.

I do know this. I feel peace when I walk. It really helps me clear, well, unclog, and possibly organize these thoughts. There is just so much excitement and waiting I have to do.

I am doing this for myself. No one else. I have wanted to move to SPI for a long time. When I talked about it many years ago, I tried to convince a friend of mine to go with me. This time it’s me and me alone. Yeah, you are probably thinking, well your folks are down there ½ the year, that isn’t by yourself. But it is. They have their own life and I will have mine. Plus, they are here when it is slow season. I will be here the rest of the year. My parents are in their upper 60’s and sometimes I think one of us kids should be nearby in the case of an emergency. I am the only one without kids and have the freedom to do this. (oh darn ….giggle).

For once, this is about me.

Cheering on Change!!!!

I had a conversation about change last night with a friend. I made a comment that it “was” amazing watching myself change. I was referring to when I was losing weight. He called me on it. I am glad he did. It made me think. He commented on the “was” because that was past tense. It really got me thinking. I may not be losing weight right now, but I AM changing in other ways. It is pretty cool.

I kept thinking about that statement and really amazed at myself right now. I am changing. I AM. My world is spinning crazy, my job keeps me busy, and my friends are a godsend. I really don’t know where all of this is going. My dear friend Shelly told me that I probably won’t figure out some things until I get to Texas. For some reason, that does not bother me. In the past, that would have driven me crazy! I use to like all my hens in a row. I always liked to know what was going on. Honestly, Right now, I don’t care. I know the dust or maybe I should say the sand will settle….one way or another. Regardless, I will come out on top.

I think about taking my cat to Texas with me. What will she think? She has been with me through thick and thin. She was a stray kitten out in Denver, that just happened to wander onto my deck in the middle of a snow storm. Once the storm cleared a couple days later, we were all attached. 10 years later, the rest is history. I think about packing and storing all my crap for 2 months while I make the decision to move or not to move. Everyone I talk to says I am not coming back.

Leaving my friends and family is one of the hardest things I will do. I love my life here. I have wonderful friends and fabulous family. I am just ready for change.

Released!

Not too long ago, I was emailing back and forth with my sister. We actually email back and forth quite a bit. Mostly just a line or two throughout the day, it’s how we keep in touch. I shared with her my blog. I know there isn’t a lot that is too personal in here, but I was kind of weird about sharing it with her. Anyway, we were talking about this little blog of mine and she said it all makes sense; you were a Free Spirit trapped in an obese body.

HUH???? What?? Yes I was overweight, but I never let my weight stop me from doing anything. But when she said that, it really made sense. It really made sense why I suddenly feel free, why I feel like I am going to explode! I just have so much energy!

When I was over 300 pounds, I embraced the whole BBW (big beautiful women) lifestyle. I was a confident sassy woman. I dated, generally men who loved BBW. I never let my weight stop me from anything….even getting in a swimsuit.

But, maybe I did.

I have always been a little weird, strange, etc etc (you probably can enter some other words here too). I embraced that. But I think when you are as large as I was; I don’t think I was living up to my true self.

I have always done the things I was supposed to. I went to a private college, got jobs that paid the bills. But that was my goal, to pay the bills. To afford the things I needed. I was never completely happy at these jobs. But they gave me the freedom to do the things I loved, my art and seeing live music. And these last 8 years, my love for South Padre Island.

I have always felt I belonged there. A lot of people who live on the island are free spirits. Yep, it certainly makes life interesting with all the conservative Texans around. If you look back to one of my earlier blogs, I mentioned waiting. I remember thinking I don’t want to move to the island at this weight. How many other times did I say that to myself I don’t know, I don’t remember. But I do know this, Reading that, I know, my weight did stop me from things. But how much else?

My weight probably did stop me from more things than I want to admit. Not anymore. I am not a thin gal. I may never be. I am 100 pounds lighter than I was 3 years ago.

I am a Free Spirt!

I am no longer trapped!